A new Journey

Breath. Just push the needle in. you can do it. look, everyone is here and counting on you.  they are just being supportive.  just do it.    a few days ago thats all i kept thinking.

and how it began....

August 28th 20ll
My cousin Samantha and i drove the exciting 3 hours all the way to Muskegon to spend the day at Michigan's Adventure.   The whole drive there i was so excited to go on all the water rides and the lazy river and all the big roller coasters (of course). when we got there we got our tickets and walked all the way to the back of the park, got a locker and proceeded to our first roller coaster. After walking up the steps to get on i started feeling short of breath but didnt really think anything of it.  Then i started noticing it everytime we were getting on a ride i would start breathing really heavy (like borderline hyperventilating.)  through the day this started getting worse and worse.  by the end of the night i decided i was not feeling good at all and was just ready to go home.  But my cousin convinced me to ride 3 more rides before the longgg drive home. that day i knew something weird was going on but i just didn't know what was wrong with me. and i never would have though diabetes!

During that night i woke up around 3am i thought i was dying.  it felt like heartburn deep in my chest just burning and it wouldn't stop.  i started screaming and crying it was the most excruciating,  intense pain i have ever felt in my life.  Finally after an hour of crying and trying to vomit i fell back asleep.  that morning i called my doctor and got an appointment early in the morning.  they did a blood test a urine test an EKG and a blood pressure test.  I was scared.  as i believe most people are when they have something happen that intense and dont know why or how or what caused it.  when the doctor came in and broke the news to me that I...ME...has DIABETES. no way. no...NO i cant have that.  that means needles and blood....no way.

Unfortunately it was true.  and i was being admitted into the hospital.   I was scared.  worried,  angry.  and most of all shocked.  i have never had to go to the hospital.  i hate hospitals,  IV's, blood, doctors, nurses.
Why me?


Waiting in the waiting room for them to call my name, well that was hell.  my mind was racing with questions.
how? why? what does it mean? how do you know? what do i gotta do? is there a cure?...im scared.
when i get to the hospital bed i lay down and wait. i hate waiting.  expecially when you get news like this.  how do they expect me to feel. "you have diabetes, now go to the hospital and wait." ew i hate hospitals, but the tech that took my blood pressure was cute and had nice tattoos :) he told me my blood sugar was 100 (he said perfect) so let me go now i thought.  please.  im normal. i swear. dont make me stay here over night.

The doctor finally came in.  "for sure with her age its type one" he says.  Type one (the bad one) the type that your pancreas does not produce any insulin at all.  wait your kidding right? then he tells me that the endo would be coming to talk to me to explain more about this.  he could answer my questions.  so again we wait.
they hooked me up to an IV and pumped me with all kinds of different fluids.  including potassium, the nurse told me it was gonna hurt so she put it on a lower setting (its still burned really bad) finally when the endo came in he told me that my pancreas was still producing insulin and that i might have type two (awesome news) but he also said i would have to wait until my potassium and magnesium levels were normal before i could leave.

that night after all my family and friends left i couldnt help but cry myself to sleep.  fear and nerves running through my mind.  my thoughts jumping from one place to another.  3 more days of hospital stress.  and then i was out. on my own. 4 shots of insulin a day. yes i said shots.  the girl who cant take needles and cant deal with any kind of blood.  the girl who passes out at a consultation.  and now i have to prick my finger (alot) all day and give myself 4 shots of insulin.  and with no nurses helping me.  im super scared.  everyone tells me diet, exercise, lose weight.  and im going to.  i be came motivated.  now i just gotta get used to needles, insulin, carb counting, reading labels, testing my blood sugar...its scary but im ready to take on this challenge that ive been given. this is my new change of pace.