Im keeping my head up as much as i can. In my mind it doesnt make sense and when im alone, thats when my thoughts start coming. the "why me's?" and stuff like that. but when im with people they sometimes ask questions and i like that. it makes me feel like people actually do care. and sometimes i dont know all the answers but no one does right?
i have been focused alot on photography lately. its a new passion and hobby for me. it helps distract my mind and helps me focus on the beautiful things in life. My boyfriend, joe and i went to a cider mill yesterday and walked this beautiful trail that follows a river. it was so pretty and i got lots of awesome pictures (i will post them later.) after lots of convinceing joe gave in and let me eat a donut it was way yummy! and it really didnt spike my BS at all.
i have realized that somedays its harder then others. somedays i wake up in tears and others i fall asleep with them. sometimes i can push the needle right in others i gotta talk myself into actually doing it. but i always know i have alot of people here to support me and help me through this crazy journey (including my wonderful boyfriend) and once again i want to thank each and everyone of them. i dont know how i would do this without you! (and i know i may get repetitive by saying that but i dont know how else to show everyone i appreciate everything they do for me)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Only time will tell
i have been noticing a trend, everyday after lunch my BS drops way low. i believe that my body is producing more insulin at that time of day. After my extremely low blood sugar episode that happened the other day we called the doctor. and waited for his response to see if i can lower my lunch dosage. thankfully he did and so now im taking 4 units in the morning 6 units at lunch and 8 at dinner, then 28 units of lantus before i go to bed. my doctor says im not ready to get on the pill yet so hopefully soon i can be. i just gotta keep getting my dosage lowered. and then that means no more shots for me!!!(fingers crossed)
Monday, September 19, 2011
This will not define me...
Lately i have been trying to act like this isnt real. Im living like i was before i found out i have diabetes. The only reason i can think of why i am doing this is...everytime i think of the truth it scares me. i still havent processed the thought of me having this serious disease.
I have been doing the best i can. I eat everything i should, i walk quite alot, and i never ever cheat. because seeing people and reading the stuff i have researched i never want that to be me. I test my blood sugar all the time and i even log EVERY time i test it.
I feel like my BS is constantly low! like my pancreas is producing lots of insulin. the only time it spikes is if i eat more carbs then i should and i barely ever do that. i hate going low. i feel weak and dizzy and extremely shakey then when i drink orange juice to lift it back up to normal i feel exhausted. like my body worked so hard to raise the level back up to where it should be.
Today my blood sugar dropped the lowest it has ever been, 43. i almost couldnt even walk to go get orange juice. i felt super weak and my hands kept shaking. i have noticed a trend tho...everyday after lunch my BS drops. i have been waiting for my doc to tell me that i can drop my insulin dosage down during lunch but no word yet. my dosage has changed a little bit and its going down so thats good news. they say i might be able to go on the pill eventually but for now its constant shots...4 times a day!
I have been taking photos of different things...id say after my diagnosis my outlook on life has changed. i think things are prettier and taste better and i want to capture all these different things and display them. i will post some of the pics tonight.
Tomorrow i am going to an orchard to pick a pumpkin with my boyfriend of 3 years. cant wait i love that fall is here. im just dreading the winter.
I have been doing the best i can. I eat everything i should, i walk quite alot, and i never ever cheat. because seeing people and reading the stuff i have researched i never want that to be me. I test my blood sugar all the time and i even log EVERY time i test it.
I feel like my BS is constantly low! like my pancreas is producing lots of insulin. the only time it spikes is if i eat more carbs then i should and i barely ever do that. i hate going low. i feel weak and dizzy and extremely shakey then when i drink orange juice to lift it back up to normal i feel exhausted. like my body worked so hard to raise the level back up to where it should be.
Today my blood sugar dropped the lowest it has ever been, 43. i almost couldnt even walk to go get orange juice. i felt super weak and my hands kept shaking. i have noticed a trend tho...everyday after lunch my BS drops. i have been waiting for my doc to tell me that i can drop my insulin dosage down during lunch but no word yet. my dosage has changed a little bit and its going down so thats good news. they say i might be able to go on the pill eventually but for now its constant shots...4 times a day!
I have been taking photos of different things...id say after my diagnosis my outlook on life has changed. i think things are prettier and taste better and i want to capture all these different things and display them. i will post some of the pics tonight.
Tomorrow i am going to an orchard to pick a pumpkin with my boyfriend of 3 years. cant wait i love that fall is here. im just dreading the winter.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
1 of 18.8 Million
I have been doing ALOT of research on diabetes. and reading statistics is kinda cool. but then you get into the depth of it and its kinda scary. yesterday i read that diabetes can cause blindness, heart disease, kidney disease, and possibily amputation. (so i could lose a limb?) ugh. i mean im only 21. i feel so young to have to have this on my mind every waking minute of my life.
I keep telling myself that i wont let this control my life. i will do things the same way i used to just put a little tweak on it. (checking my blood sugar and giving myself shots) but i dont. i never stay up late anymore, i obvisly cant eat the same stuff, i cant stop thinking "whats my blood sugar" or "what if im low" or "this would be a bad place for my blood sugar to drop" so much for living my life the same.
My doctor told me that when i went into the hospital i had a blood sugar of 350(normal is between 80 and 120) and an A1c (average blood sugar over the past 3 months) of 12.9% (normal is 7) which means i was averaging a blood sugar around 400 everyday. thats scary. recently i have been doing really good tho. according to this awesome app on my phone my estimated A1c is 5.2% which i think is low but the doc says its okay.
i still have to go see an endo. i have an appointment on Oct 18 but seriously that's a month away i want answers and i want them now. i don't even know if im type one or two.
anyway i just want to take a second and thank all my family and friends. you have been so supportive and i wish there was a way to show you how much i appreciate everything you have done for me. i love you all!!
I keep telling myself that i wont let this control my life. i will do things the same way i used to just put a little tweak on it. (checking my blood sugar and giving myself shots) but i dont. i never stay up late anymore, i obvisly cant eat the same stuff, i cant stop thinking "whats my blood sugar" or "what if im low" or "this would be a bad place for my blood sugar to drop" so much for living my life the same.
My doctor told me that when i went into the hospital i had a blood sugar of 350(normal is between 80 and 120) and an A1c (average blood sugar over the past 3 months) of 12.9% (normal is 7) which means i was averaging a blood sugar around 400 everyday. thats scary. recently i have been doing really good tho. according to this awesome app on my phone my estimated A1c is 5.2% which i think is low but the doc says its okay.
i still have to go see an endo. i have an appointment on Oct 18 but seriously that's a month away i want answers and i want them now. i don't even know if im type one or two.
anyway i just want to take a second and thank all my family and friends. you have been so supportive and i wish there was a way to show you how much i appreciate everything you have done for me. i love you all!!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
A new Journey
Breath. Just push the needle in. you can do it. look, everyone is here and counting on you. they are just being supportive. just do it. a few days ago thats all i kept thinking.
and how it began....
August 28th 20ll
My cousin Samantha and i drove the exciting 3 hours all the way to Muskegon to spend the day at Michigan's Adventure. The whole drive there i was so excited to go on all the water rides and the lazy river and all the big roller coasters (of course). when we got there we got our tickets and walked all the way to the back of the park, got a locker and proceeded to our first roller coaster. After walking up the steps to get on i started feeling short of breath but didnt really think anything of it. Then i started noticing it everytime we were getting on a ride i would start breathing really heavy (like borderline hyperventilating.) through the day this started getting worse and worse. by the end of the night i decided i was not feeling good at all and was just ready to go home. But my cousin convinced me to ride 3 more rides before the longgg drive home. that day i knew something weird was going on but i just didn't know what was wrong with me. and i never would have though diabetes!
During that night i woke up around 3am i thought i was dying. it felt like heartburn deep in my chest just burning and it wouldn't stop. i started screaming and crying it was the most excruciating, intense pain i have ever felt in my life. Finally after an hour of crying and trying to vomit i fell back asleep. that morning i called my doctor and got an appointment early in the morning. they did a blood test a urine test an EKG and a blood pressure test. I was scared. as i believe most people are when they have something happen that intense and dont know why or how or what caused it. when the doctor came in and broke the news to me that I...ME...has DIABETES. no way. no...NO i cant have that. that means needles and blood....no way.
Unfortunately it was true. and i was being admitted into the hospital. I was scared. worried, angry. and most of all shocked. i have never had to go to the hospital. i hate hospitals, IV's, blood, doctors, nurses.
Why me?
Waiting in the waiting room for them to call my name, well that was hell. my mind was racing with questions.
how? why? what does it mean? how do you know? what do i gotta do? is there a cure?...im scared.
when i get to the hospital bed i lay down and wait. i hate waiting. expecially when you get news like this. how do they expect me to feel. "you have diabetes, now go to the hospital and wait." ew i hate hospitals, but the tech that took my blood pressure was cute and had nice tattoos :) he told me my blood sugar was 100 (he said perfect) so let me go now i thought. please. im normal. i swear. dont make me stay here over night.
The doctor finally came in. "for sure with her age its type one" he says. Type one (the bad one) the type that your pancreas does not produce any insulin at all. wait your kidding right? then he tells me that the endo would be coming to talk to me to explain more about this. he could answer my questions. so again we wait.
they hooked me up to an IV and pumped me with all kinds of different fluids. including potassium, the nurse told me it was gonna hurt so she put it on a lower setting (its still burned really bad) finally when the endo came in he told me that my pancreas was still producing insulin and that i might have type two (awesome news) but he also said i would have to wait until my potassium and magnesium levels were normal before i could leave.
that night after all my family and friends left i couldnt help but cry myself to sleep. fear and nerves running through my mind. my thoughts jumping from one place to another. 3 more days of hospital stress. and then i was out. on my own. 4 shots of insulin a day. yes i said shots. the girl who cant take needles and cant deal with any kind of blood. the girl who passes out at a consultation. and now i have to prick my finger (alot) all day and give myself 4 shots of insulin. and with no nurses helping me. im super scared. everyone tells me diet, exercise, lose weight. and im going to. i be came motivated. now i just gotta get used to needles, insulin, carb counting, reading labels, testing my blood sugar...its scary but im ready to take on this challenge that ive been given. this is my new change of pace.
and how it began....
August 28th 20ll
My cousin Samantha and i drove the exciting 3 hours all the way to Muskegon to spend the day at Michigan's Adventure. The whole drive there i was so excited to go on all the water rides and the lazy river and all the big roller coasters (of course). when we got there we got our tickets and walked all the way to the back of the park, got a locker and proceeded to our first roller coaster. After walking up the steps to get on i started feeling short of breath but didnt really think anything of it. Then i started noticing it everytime we were getting on a ride i would start breathing really heavy (like borderline hyperventilating.) through the day this started getting worse and worse. by the end of the night i decided i was not feeling good at all and was just ready to go home. But my cousin convinced me to ride 3 more rides before the longgg drive home. that day i knew something weird was going on but i just didn't know what was wrong with me. and i never would have though diabetes!
During that night i woke up around 3am i thought i was dying. it felt like heartburn deep in my chest just burning and it wouldn't stop. i started screaming and crying it was the most excruciating, intense pain i have ever felt in my life. Finally after an hour of crying and trying to vomit i fell back asleep. that morning i called my doctor and got an appointment early in the morning. they did a blood test a urine test an EKG and a blood pressure test. I was scared. as i believe most people are when they have something happen that intense and dont know why or how or what caused it. when the doctor came in and broke the news to me that I...ME...has DIABETES. no way. no...NO i cant have that. that means needles and blood....no way.
Unfortunately it was true. and i was being admitted into the hospital. I was scared. worried, angry. and most of all shocked. i have never had to go to the hospital. i hate hospitals, IV's, blood, doctors, nurses.
Why me?
Waiting in the waiting room for them to call my name, well that was hell. my mind was racing with questions.
how? why? what does it mean? how do you know? what do i gotta do? is there a cure?...im scared.
when i get to the hospital bed i lay down and wait. i hate waiting. expecially when you get news like this. how do they expect me to feel. "you have diabetes, now go to the hospital and wait." ew i hate hospitals, but the tech that took my blood pressure was cute and had nice tattoos :) he told me my blood sugar was 100 (he said perfect) so let me go now i thought. please. im normal. i swear. dont make me stay here over night.
The doctor finally came in. "for sure with her age its type one" he says. Type one (the bad one) the type that your pancreas does not produce any insulin at all. wait your kidding right? then he tells me that the endo would be coming to talk to me to explain more about this. he could answer my questions. so again we wait.
they hooked me up to an IV and pumped me with all kinds of different fluids. including potassium, the nurse told me it was gonna hurt so she put it on a lower setting (its still burned really bad) finally when the endo came in he told me that my pancreas was still producing insulin and that i might have type two (awesome news) but he also said i would have to wait until my potassium and magnesium levels were normal before i could leave.
that night after all my family and friends left i couldnt help but cry myself to sleep. fear and nerves running through my mind. my thoughts jumping from one place to another. 3 more days of hospital stress. and then i was out. on my own. 4 shots of insulin a day. yes i said shots. the girl who cant take needles and cant deal with any kind of blood. the girl who passes out at a consultation. and now i have to prick my finger (alot) all day and give myself 4 shots of insulin. and with no nurses helping me. im super scared. everyone tells me diet, exercise, lose weight. and im going to. i be came motivated. now i just gotta get used to needles, insulin, carb counting, reading labels, testing my blood sugar...its scary but im ready to take on this challenge that ive been given. this is my new change of pace.
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